Ed Gonzalez Movie Reviews & Previews - Rotten Tomatoes

Ed Gonzalez

Ed Gonzalez
Tomatometer-approved critic

Movie Reviews Only

Rating T-Meter Title | Year Review
No Score Yet Masters of Horror (2006) Everything you've heard about this Masters of Horror episode, which was too violent for Showtime to air on cable television, is true, though I imagine some of its carnivalesque gore may even come as a shock to Miike cultists. ‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted May 21, 2015
No Score Yet Masters of Horror (2005) Jenifer's auteurist stamp is most visibly felt in its frills and flourishes.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted May 21, 2015
No Score Yet Masters of Horror (2006) Larry Cohen works on an elemental level to evoke a doctrine of just equilibrium spread out across the film's scenes.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted May 21, 2015
No Score Yet Masters of Horror (2006) Pushed forward by ever-shifting tonal and emotional gears, the surface of the film itself evokes the story's obsession with the metamorphosis of body, spirit and sexuality.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted May 21, 2015
No Score Yet Masters of Horror (2006) Joe Dante is deeply attuned to the way the story's crisis messes with humanity, forcing us to make startling concessions.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted May 21, 2015
No Score Yet Masters of Horror (2006) Dario Argento's exploitation nerve twitches unlike ever before, which is to say gore hounds will be pleased. Then there's the bad. Raccoons? Sentinels of the Lost City? That's not even the worst of it. ‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted May 21, 2015
No Score Yet Masters of Horror (2006) The short is distinguished by its main character's anguish and Brad Anderson's understanding of how people cope with pain, finding substitutes for their loss in the world around them. ‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted May 21, 2015
No Score Yet Masters of Horror (2007) On numerous levels, Schmidt has created a Masters of Horror that counts as an out-of-body experience. ‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted May 21, 2015
No Score Yet Masters of Horror (2007) The end result feels tidy and predictable. ‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted May 21, 2015
0/4 39% Pay It Forward (2000) Sanctimonious drivel.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted May 2, 2001
0/4 42% K-PAX (2001) Tailor-made for the K-Mart sect, K-PAX is a weepy regression fantasy for the psychologically half-conscious.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Oct 18, 2001
0/4 23% Bad Boys II (2003) Michael Bay's latest jingoistic fetish film, Bad Boys II, could be the most vile creation to come out of Hollywood since Patch Adams.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Jul 14, 2003
0/4 15% Sleepover (2004) Sleepover will do for tween girls what Max Keeble's Big Move did for prepubescent boys: get them beat up at school.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Jul 7, 2004
0/4 12% A Cinderella Story (2004) If some films are made to order, the market-researched A Cinderella Story has the stretch marks to prove it.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Jul 12, 2004
0/4 33% The Phantom of the Opera (2005) Like overpriced costume jewelry, this tasteless, soulless contraption is sure to appeal to anyone who owns Celine Dion and Meatloaf albums.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Dec 11, 2004
0/4 33% Trade (2007) Trade has cojones for trying to lay the kind of political guilt trip it does on us with its sham aesthetics and lurid telenovela-writ-large storyline.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Oct 19, 2007
0/4 No Score Yet A Broken Sole (2007) A Broken Sole is a bad movie, worse theater.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Oct 26, 2007
0/4 12% College Road Trip (2008) College Road Trip hurts more than just the eyes and ears, it wreaks havoc on one's humane sensibilities.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Mar 6, 2008
0/4 No Score Yet Stay the Same Never Change (2009) Shines a light on an artist's prurient, shamelessly exploitative, and attention-grabbing instincts.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Mar 27, 2009
9/100 33% H.O.T.S. (1979) Think Animal House meets the Revenge of the Nerds and you have the essence of H.O.T.S.' plot.‐ Apollo Guide
Posted Jul 25, 2001
.5/4 14% Crossroads (2002) Sexless Britney is also blasé Britney and Crossroads might as well be a dry-hump through a Baby-Sitters Club book.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Feb 12, 2002
.5/4 7% Dragonfly (2002) Possibly the most maudlin horror film ever made, Dragonfly spells out its scares and faith-speak as if it were lecturing from atop Mt. Sinai.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Feb 19, 2002
.5/4 16% Ghost Ship (2002) Not only is the film's boo-yah opening sequence derivative of Beck's 13 Ghosts, so are all the music video tableau morts and cheesy one-liners.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Oct 21, 2002
.5/4 9% Darkness Falls (2003) Its unbearably loud and witless disposition conjures images of studio heads wanting to numb young test audiences into submission.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Jan 18, 2003
.5/4 10% Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003) Sans the original's entire creative life force, it shouldn't come as a surprise that this "prequel" allows the lame gross-out to trump all romantic poignancy.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Jun 7, 2003
.5/4 15% Gothika (2003) Bless Penelope Cruz's Spanish little heart (not to mention her right tear duct) that she can wail a line like "He opened me like a flower of pain" without busting a gut.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Nov 19, 2003
.5/4 8% The Order (2003) Blood in. Blood out. Eye roll.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Nov 25, 2003
.5/4 74% House of Sand and Fog (2003) The war between America and the Middle East is in full metaphoric force in Vadim Perelman's ridiculous eviction melodrama House of Sand and Fog.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Nov 26, 2003
.5/4 34% The United States of Leland (2004) Sundance twaddle of the highest degree.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Mar 1, 2004
.5/4 61% Saved! (2004) This is a film that sees only in black-and-white.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Apr 15, 2004
.5/4 15% Garfield - The Movie (2004) Strictly for those who didn't want to crawl into the fetal position and die when Shaggy grew breasts in Monsters Unleashed.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Apr 19, 2004
.5/4 71% Napoleon Dynamite (2004) For those who think there'e nothing funnier than yokels acting like idiots for 90 minutes straight.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Jun 2, 2004
.5/4 No Score Yet The Iron Ladies 2 (2004) Queens living on Castro and Christopher streets will lap this up, but isn't this kind of we-are-family minstrel comedy getting kind of old?‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Jun 14, 2004
.5/4 14% Without a Paddle (2004) Add Steven Brill's Without a Paddle to that id-grinding pig-pile that includes Sorority Boys and the American Pie films.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Aug 13, 2004
.5/4 8% Friday the 13th Part VIII - Jason Takes Manhattan (1989) Director Rob Hedden may have been onto something: From Crystal Lake to Manhattan, the series itself was always drowning in ****. ‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Sep 25, 2004
.5/4 43% Palindromes (2004) Solondz fancies himself a spokesman for the socially oppressed but does to celluloid what future serial killers of the world do to butterfly wings.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Oct 11, 2004
.5/4 13% Hide and Seek (2005) An elaborate equation consisting entirely of bad horror tropes and trashy psychological symbolism.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Jan 25, 2005
.5/4 44% Hål i mitt hjärta, Ett (A Hole In My Heart) (2004) Moodysson doesn't use this borrowed aesthetic to study what's on his plate; he's just out to cause a scene.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Apr 9, 2005
.5/4 52% Secuestro Express (2005) Immoral and aesthetically bankrupt, Secuestro Express allows first-time director Jonathan Jakubowicz to exploit and sell out his Venezuelan culture.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Jul 14, 2005
.5/4 36% Must Love Dogs (2005) To paraphrase some hackerish blurb I just heard on the shill-y E! network: Must Love Dogs is in the doghouse.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Jul 24, 2005
.5/4 5% Chaos (2005) Where's the lesson here? Don't let your kids out of the house? Don't ask for Ecstasy from strange men in the woods?‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Jul 27, 2005
.5/4 5% Supercross (2005) A Clear Channel shill.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Aug 12, 2005
.5/4 35% Memoirs of a Geisha (2005) More like Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey's Memoirs of a Geisha.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Dec 3, 2005
.5/4 43% Final Destination 3 (2006) A reminder of how low a filmmaker will sink to pander to our most corrupt tendencies.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Feb 8, 2006
.5/4 33% Poseidon (2006) Poseidon recognizes and encourages belief in the popular popcorn-movie theory of The Survival of the Whitest.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted May 8, 2006
.5/4 4% Because I Said So (2007) Welcome to the rom-com in the age of Must Love Dogs.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Jan 30, 2007
.5/4 10% Bratz: The Movie (2007) The storyline is almost too easy to rag on, what with its almost complete incoherence and dead-serious evocation of Mean Girls by way of McNamara's own Raise Your Voice.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Jul 28, 2007
.5/4 15% The Last Legion (2007) A depressing pageant of bad dialogue, uninspired sword fights, corny getaways, and loads of completely unintentional sexual innuendo.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Aug 16, 2007
.5/4 34% The Wolfman (2010) Would that Joe Johnston's The Wolfman were spectacularly awful, then it would have been at least a fun time at the movies.‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Feb 10, 2010
.5/4 11% Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs Evil (2011) Despite ample proof to the contrary, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil was not written by the punaholic Carrie Bradshaw. ‐ Slant Magazine
Read More | Posted Apr 24, 2011